I've spent the last year figuring out what the hell to do with my life in the aftermath of a seven year relationship ending. All the while, I've gotten to watch friend after friend excitedly change their Facebook status to "engaged," post ring photos, and then share bazillions of shots of the ensuing weddings and babies. Yes, I'm happy for all of my friends who are engaged and newly married. Yes, your child is so delightfully adorable that I just want to EAT HIS FACE! But perhaps there are other cool things we can be talking about on Facebook, and making a giant fuss over in general?
Because lately the only thing I've been thinking when I've logged into Facebook is, "when did everyone's life suddenly become all about getting married and having kids? And where does that leave me?"
I'm actually pretty convinced that at least some of the people who are getting "engaged" are half-heartedly jumping into that commitment because a bunch of other people just announced that they're "engaged" on Facebook. I'm not thinking of anyone in particular, just saying that statistically, there's at least a few - and that's not good or fair to anyone. Relationships are hard enough without all this social pressure bearing down on us all the damn time.
So I propose a solution. I think Facebook should start making use of all the information it has about current and former relationship status - length of relationship status, recency of change, etc. - to make the user experience just more inclusive for those of us who have absolutely no idea when, or if, we'll get our turn to be the special shiny girl in the pretty white dress.
Here are some example customer requirements to consider:
1. Dealing with the Ex
Where a user has a relationship status of "single" or no relationship status, but was previously "in a relationship," for twice the length of time the user was "in a relationship," the system shall not:
- Serve the user photos of the person of anyone they were ever "in a relationship" with in the "Photo Memories" box.
- Serve the user photos of the person they were ever "in a relationship" with in the News Feed.
- Serve the user status updates from the person they were ever "in a relationship" with.
- Send the user notifications that the user they were ever "in a relationship" with has commented on or "liked" anything they said or did.
2. Dealing with EVERYONE ELSE in the ENTIRE WORLD who is GETTING MARRIED!!!! (OMG OMG!!!)
Where a user has a relationship status that has recently been changed from "in a relationship," for twice the length of time the user was "in a relationship," the system shall not:
- Serve the user any updates from other users indicating that their relationship status has changed to "in a relationship," enaged" or "married."
- Serve the user any photos in the News Feed that are tagged with people who have recently changed their relationship status to "in a relationship," "engaged," or "married."
- Serve the user any photos in the News Feed that contain the words "wedding," "ring," "ceremony," "reception," or "vows."
3. Dealing with Ads
Where a user has a relationship status that has recently been changed from "in a relationship," for twice the length of time the user was "in a relationship," the system shall not:
- Serve the user ads for engagement rings
- Serve the user ads for dating sites
4. What to do instead
Where a user has a relationship status that has recently been changed from "in a relationship," for twice the length of time the user was "in a relationship," the system shall inundate the user with how cool it is to be single. Specifically, the system shall:
- Serve the user mostly status updates from other "single" friends in their area talking about all the fun stuff there is to do when you're single - travel, enjoy free time, not having to make any compromises whatsoever in the way you want to live.
- Serve the user status updates when users change their status from "in a relationship" to "single" so that the user can offer to take them out and get them drunk.
- Serve the user interesting events their single friends are going to that they can RSVP "Maybe" to in case they don't have anything better to do that night.
- Serve the user adverts for trips to foreign countries targeted at young people.
- Serve the user photos of recent trips their single friends took from their exciting, last-minute trips to foreign countries.
